She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
