Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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