sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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