Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
