just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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