R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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