you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize