I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
