what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
