no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
