Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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