why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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