the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
