I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize