im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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