Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
