she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
