Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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