For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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