So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
