everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
