just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
