Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
