Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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