you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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