I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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