They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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