after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
