and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
