Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
