dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
