an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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