Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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