The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
