I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
