i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
