This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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