i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
