I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
