My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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