i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
