Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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