omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
