Porn is love you can see.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
