every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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