Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
