We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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