My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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