So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
