they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
