bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
