wanna go halves on a baby?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
