4 words: hood of his car
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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