Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
