wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize