So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
