I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's just like the Real World with babies
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
