just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
