I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
