Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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