Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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