Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize