fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
