Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
