I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
