we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
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