8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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