you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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