so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
