Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They took my balls.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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