SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
