Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
being pregnant is like rehab
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
