she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
