Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
