just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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