saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
