You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
