i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
