Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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