Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
