You really coming over, don't trick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
