i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Text me some of your sweat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
