Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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