Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
