do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
