Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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