I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
