god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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