as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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