I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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