i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize