I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
