just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
