So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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