Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
