Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
