That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
