Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Farmville is her only friend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
