she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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