I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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