I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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