She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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