he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
