u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
