Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
