If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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