hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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