Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
