My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
