just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
