I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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