i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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