Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if only i could text you this smell
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
