He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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