Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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