I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize