hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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