he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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