I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
