He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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