Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
