considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
